


hesitate

by thor_odinson



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Big angst, Enjoy!, F/F, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Endgame, also a little bit of hurt/comfort tbh, angsty as shit, either way my heart hurt and i cried writing this, hope it doesn't kill you too bad, like. big. angst., maria hill is lesbian you can't change my mind
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-03
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2020-06-03 07:21:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19459144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thor_odinson/pseuds/thor_odinson
Summary: Maria goes to visit the Stark residence, as she's done regularly for the past few years. This time, however, confessions and deep talks may be in order, and things may be about to change.





	hesitate

Maria walks up the pathway to Pepper’s place, as she’s done regularly for the past three years. She’s made sure to visit and check up on both Pepper and Morgan after Tony’s death, and slowly it'd become custom. She'd visit, they'd spend time together, and everything seemed to look up for a few hours. 

She knows she can't take any of the pain away but if she can help Morgan or even Pepper let their grief melt away for a while, it's worth it. She's not Tony, and she’ll never be able to replace him, but maybe, maybe her presence shines light into a cynical tunnel. 

She shakes her head, bringing her out of her stupor, and takes her key from her pocket to unlock the door. She can't let her thoughts get in the way. Not right now. She has a child to check on. 

“Pepper? Morgan?” she calls as she steps inside. The hallway is void of toys for once, and she smiles. She'd had talks with Morgan about keeping her toys out of the way. It seems she's helping in some small way. 

Suddenly, footsteps thunder down the stairs and Morgan’s face lights up as she sees Maria standing in the hallway. “Hi!” she says, running up and wrapping her arms around the older woman’s waist. 

Maria laughs, the heaviness in her heart already lessening. “Hi, Sugarplum!” she replies, ruffling Morgan’s hair. “How are you?” 

“Great!” comes the reply, and Morgan is tugging on her hand, pulling her further into the house. “Come look! I made Mr Bear and Turtle a new cheeseburger house!” 

Maria’s heart swells with affection, and she follows the eager child into the living room. “Where's your mom, Sugarplum?” she asks as she sits on the floor next to a huge and rather intricate Lego structure. 

“Mommy's in the shower,” says Morgan, plonking herself next to a teddy bear with a cape and a Ninja Turtle lying on the carpet. She looks up at Maria, eyes twinkling. “She said she had to make herself look nice for a visitor.” The words come out in a whisper, and she giggles. 

Maria’s heart skips a beat. She fights to keep her composure; is Pepper expecting someone today? Morgan has her attention before she can contemplate further, and she knows it's probably for the better. Who Pepper is or isn't expecting isn't any of her business. 

“Look! I made Mr Bear and Turtle their own cheeseburger rooms, and their cheeseburgers never run out!” garbles Morgan, and she takes the turtle up to the top of the building, sitting him down in front of something that's probably supposed to resemble a table. 

“They must really like cheeseburgers, huh?” Maria nods along, following the young girl’s movements with her eyes. 

“They  _ love  _ cheeseburgers. Almost as much as I do.” 

Maria smiles sadly, knowing exactly where Morgan gets the love of cheeseburgers from. She sighs heavily, vowing not to show the girl that there's anything wrong. 

“So,” she says, searching for a distraction from her own thoughts. “Do Mr Bear and Turtle have cheeseburger parties?” 

Morgan’s eyes light up and she scrambles up. “Yeah!” she says, running to her toy box and rummaging in it. “They invite all their friends, like Banana Boy, Alice the dog, and Morris the cat.” With each name, she slides the respective toy across to the house. 

A long, yellow bean bag, who could only be Banana Boy, lands at Maria’s feet. She picks it up and turns it over in her hands. An eye-patched face looks up at her, expressionless, and she can't help but be reminded of Nick. Her thin smile escapes before she's even aware of it. 

She looks up when Morgan takes the toy from her, and notices that all five ‘friends’ are sat around the table on the roof. “They're gonna have cheeseburgers for lunch now!” exclaims Morgan. 

“Is that so?” comes a voice from the doorway. Maria whips her head round, and her breath catches in her throat. 

Pepper is leaning against the doorframe, arms and ankles crossed. Her hair is up in a towel spiral, and she has on a blue t-shirt over sweatpants that Maria doesn't remember seeing before. 

She swallows hard, convincing herself that Pepper only startled her. She's not going to think the other thing. She  _ can't  _ think the other thing. 

At least not yet. 

Upon seeing her, Pepper straightens, pulling her shirt down. “Hi, Maria.” 

Maria smiles lightly at her. “How are you doing, Pepper?” 

Pepper shrugs, perching on the arm of the sofa. “Oh, spectacular.” She looks over at her daughter, smiling at the Lego house. “Hey, Bumblebee. Lunch is in ten minutes, okay?”

“Okay, Mommy.” Morgan jumps up, throwing the toys back in the box, though she leaves the building intact. “Can Maria stay too?” 

Pepper’s eyes widen, and she looks across at Maria, who looks just as startled. This hasn't been a request in months. “I mean if she can, then of course.” 

Maria nods slowly. “Uh yeah, sure. I'll stay!” She smiles at Morgan.

The young girl’s reaction is enough to make even the toughest of hearts burst with love. 

* * *

Maria ends up staying well past dinner time (no one else shows up), and she and Pepper send Morgan up to bed together. They tuck her in together, say goodnight together, and now they're in the kitchen washing up together.

Pepper rolls her sleeves up to start washing the dishes. Everything is bathed in comfortable silence, the only sound being the sloshing of water and the clinking of plates, and this gives her some time to think. 

She knows that something inside her wants to spend the rest of her life with Maria Hill. She knows that there's a part of her that loves Maria intensely. She knows that's okay. But there's also the part of her that cries in anguish at the loss of her husband. The same part of her that makes her question her loyalty to him every time she tries to entertain the fantasy of being with Maria. 

She’s exhausted at these two sides of her battling each other, and she wishes she could reach a conclusion to this. She slumps, and the plate she's holding drops with a clutter into the sink. 

“Peps?” comes Maria’s concerned voice. “You okay?” 

Pepper nods vigorously, straightening up and picking the plate up again. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” 

“You sure?” Maria leaves the table, walking up and leaning on the counter beside the sink. “Want me to take over? I'll catch you up in the living room once I’m done?” 

Pepper shakes her head in response. “No it's okay, I've got it. I just—”’ She takes a breath, sets the plate back down again, and turns to face Maria. “Morgan seems to light up when you're here. I know it's been hard for her, since Tony… but she's starting to get that spark back in her eyes. She really loves you, Maria.” 

Maria smiles sadly. “She's a brilliant kid.” Her eyes grow distant as she thinks of Banana Boy. “I noticed she drew Nick’s face onto Banana Boy. She’d have loved him too, y’know. She'd be fascinated by that damn eye-patch.”

“Yeah, I imagine he’d be great with her…” 

Pepper’s voice grows wistful and Maria knows she's thinking of Tony. She can't meet Pepper’s eyes as she speaks. “Hey, I know I can–I can never replace Tony but… if I can even give you guys some semblance of normality, then I’ve done my job.” 

“But that's the thing,” whispers Pepper. “I… I can't get this out of my head but… what if you did? In a way? I can’t stop thinking about–about spending my life with you like I was going to with Tony, and us both raising Morgan…” She peters out, thumbing at her sleeve. “I'll never stop loving him, or missing him, or wishing he was still here to watch his daughter grow… but there’s a part of me that loves you, too.

“Don't feel pressured into giving into my rambling,” she laughs. “You don't need to do anything at all; I just needed to get this off my chest so I didn't feel guilty about it.” 

Maria steps closer, tears in her eyes, and rests a hand against Pepper’s cheek. “Hey… you don't need to feel guilty. I know it's hard, and I know that he’d want you to move on. If you’re ready to move on, you can absolutely do so.” She wipes a tear from Pepper’s face. “And I think… I want to live my life with you too.” 

She finally admits it to herself. She wants this. She wants a life with Pepper and Morgan, to grow old with them and live her best life with them. Perhaps… perhaps this is her chance at happiness. Perhaps Pepper Potts is her chance at happiness. 

Pepper looks up at her, smiling broadly. “Then maybe… Maybe we can have this?” She rests her forehead against Maria’s, who returns her smile and pulls her closer. 

“Maybe we can.” 


End file.
